Plans, and The Way they Change

I was a tornado in Atlanta, a helping hand in St.Francisville, an idiot in Baton Rouge, a flash of light in Austin, a warm memory in New Orleans, a sight-seer in L.A., and now a new fish in the pond of Honolulu. I was planning on riding through the states until my fumes were gone. I was supposed to go back to California for a minute, then on to Denver, Seattle, Las Vegas, Arizona, Dallas and New York if I could still afford the ticket.
That was the plan.
I thought, maybe, after it all, I'd have made some decision about what to do next. Maybe I'd have finished a book. Maybe I'd get a teaching gig in Thailand, or maybe Brazil. Who could ever know such things?

Now, what I haven't told you is what I wanted.

I wanted to find a place that felt like home.

It's been a long search: This trip was a big hungry attack in the dark. But from where I'm sitting, I believe I've found that magical place I was hoping for- What luck!

I can't explain this place without explaining the people. Do you know what the people do here in Hawaii? All the time? Everywhere you go? Including Costco and gas stations? Do you know what they do?

They smile.

They are happy people. They are surrounded by lush, green jungles, magnificent mountains, and blue ocean for miles and miles. Gentle ukelele music hums out of overhead speakers in every grocery store. Drivers slow down and let one another in. People like their lives and each other.
I try to out-friendly the guy behind the counter at the 7-11, but I lose every time!

I wake up with the sun here. I follow it out to the beach and pull a mask down over my eyes, stick a tube in my mouth and flippers on my feet. The water's always cold at first, but only for a moment. I look down and watch the most stunning fish swim below me, shamelessly boasting bright yellows and reds, magnetic blues, and neon piping. They make any negative feelings seem foolish.

Every detail of this place is inspiring.

The air smells like flowers and ocean. I drive a scooter (safely) down a park street with trees so beautiful they're distracting; arched above, creating a canopy. This place is so stunning and wonderful and perfect, even the Spam tastes good.

What could I do? I got a job. I am staying. Which is to say, I am not leaving. I won't be finishing leg two of my scheduled travels, but they'll be picked up soon enough. I'll get vacation time somewhere down the road a bit, and I'll get to Denver and Arizona, Louisiana and Atlanta, Seattle and California, and even you, New York.

But for now, I'm settling in for a new life in Paradise.

City of Angels

I won't be long explaining this experience as that it was only a week, and the events are much less important than the feelings. I stayed in the warm company of my dear friend, Richard, and my new friend (his lady), Angelica. Richard took me as I was the day we met and has never let me down in any way. He is genuine, sensitive, giving, and artistically minded. Angelica is as pure as a person gets. My visit was not so much to the city of Los Angeles as is was to the world these two have carved out for themselves there. This means, I slept soundly and was surrounded by real beauty. There were carefully sculpted gardens and parks for the neighborhood to use. There was street art. Aztecs danced around a giant oak. There were rope swings, tree hammocks, buckets of paint, strange movies, giggling, hiking, caring for the community, kids playing in boxes, team efforts, shovels in dirt, group art projects, unbelievable home cooking, snuggling animals, bare feet, natural remedies, generosity, acceptance, big eyes and big smiles. I don't know what other people feel about L.A., but it felt almost like home to me.

Almost.

Big Easy and the Sunset Limited

Humidity be damned; New Orleans was a breath of fresh air!
Two evenings rolled by there with my old college chum, Damian Tatum. He's a gentle spirit of a genius (an aerospace engineer)- always excellent company. As chance would have it, our mutual friend and genius from another mother, William Winters, was also passing through (so perfectly timed, I even got to catch a ride into town!) We ate at a po-boy stand and sat on a patio along with several new friends to discuss it all. We were even graced with a brief hard rain. It lasted only ten minutes or so, but the leaves and roofs chatted about it for the next hour while we forged on with too many topics to count.

At the Amtrak station I checked one bag and carried on a back-sack and guitar. My seat was number 4, an aisle seat, and in seat 3 was Herbert......
(It just came to me that number 4 should have been the window seat... it doesn't make sense for it to have been the aisle.... that man stole my seat! I could have gotten sleep after all! Darn you, Herbert!)
Herbert is a gray headed 60-something who lives in a retirement community in Long Beach. He was journeying home from visiting family in New Orleans. He bought me a cup of coffee right off and I listened to his stories (some pretty funny) for about two hours. He has an excellent laugh and will live a long life, I am certain. For the rest of the trip, Herbert pretty much stayed in that seat (my seat?) and I stayed in the observation car.

Next, I met Thomas and Shorty. Thomas is a gabber and a tile-layer from L.A.. He'd spent a year in New Orleans cleaning up a messy situation for his sister and was eager to get back home. He's the same type of silly that runs in my family. When the train took a 2-hour break at 4 a.m. we walked together to the Denny's in SanAntonio. At our booth, he folded the to-go menu into an airplane and went on about how good his kids are and how he's looking forward to getting home and biking mountain trails. His enthusiasm about life oozes from his pores, and sometimes causes dry patches on his elbows. I loaned him lotion, and he thanked me ten times.
Thomas brought a Slamwich back to Shorty, since Shorty couldn't make the 4 block walk himself. Shorty is a big man, build like a CMU balanced on popcycle sticks. I don't remember his real name, but his height is exactly the height of the train's interior, so he had to walk around with his head slightly bent. He told some great bad jokes.

There was a couple on their way to a wedding, a mean old lady bent almost in half from carrying around so many bad wishes from people she'd cut, a 20-something named Matthew who opened his own paintball fantasy camp in Arizona, and some brilliant children. We all watched the landscape passing by and changing, and made light conversation to kill time. At one point, on the second day of the journey, I pulled my guitar out and gave the crew some entertainment- and the crew sang along, provided back-up vocals and table-top-beats, and were, to date, my most captive audience ever.

I loved walking back toward my seat from the observation car. On the way, I got to see the sweetest sleepers; couples using each other's shoulders as pillows, babes grabbing each other for warmth, infants asleep on their mothers' breasts. It was beautiful.

Around 10 p.m. on the second evening, a kid named Andrés boarded in Tuscan. We hit it off fabulously and stayed up til the wee hours talking about and sharing music. I liked his company the most out of all my train-buddies: Hope we manage to stay in touch. Maybe when I'm in Arizona visiting Staci I can swing by and jam with his 9-piece band; make it an even 10.

My only regret is checking that one bag. For, you see, inside that bag was my toothbrush, toothpaste, long sleeves to protect me from the vicious air conditioning, fresh clothes and undies, facewash, and a travel pillow... all things I lamented not having with me for that 47 hour trek.

And then, there was L.A.

(to be continued...)

it's the final countdown~

best day of my life.
lots of coffee, steak for lunch. fit everything into the official carry-on-size bag. guitar, check. uke, check. camera, onboard. even got a handful of brand new panties: nothing's better on a long journey than knowing you've got plenty of clean panties.

it's weird not having a plan for more than a couple of months ahead, but weird in a good way. tonight i'll see old college friends in new orleans. wednesday morning i'll get on a train. thursday night that train should pull into union station in l.a. and i'll see a friendly face. i'll do my pal's bidding at his nonprofit org., acla, and may get to teach a workshop of my chosing! jealous?

then on july first, i'm flying to honolulu.
oh, ok- NOW you're jealous.
but don't be sad-- i'll take you with me.

texas roses

uncle alvin, "maddog", was a pipe-fitter and a sailor, and aunt siss had uncle alvin in her pocket. from the first time she met him, she was smitten. it took a little convincing for him, but soon, she says, he was equally taken. then they spent their lives together. they moved from town to town, state to state, finding work and renting apartments, but calling each other home. they shared secrets instead of keeping them. they shared meals and dreams, worries and beds. they have a million stories to tell you about their adventures and each other... every one is beautiful.

hearing some evidence that the 'real thing' can survive outside of fiction was invaluable.

as for the rest of austin, i dug it. it was refreshingly colorful and unconventional; though the weirdness factor didn't hit me as hard as i expected... but i've always been a weirdo, and now with years of atlanta's crevices underfoot, i'm likely a difficult audience for that sort of thing. the people were friendly, anyway- and there were lots of tacos, guitars and thrift stores, so i could certainly survive there.

chad bankston, one of my favorite old friends whom i haven't seen in years, kidnapped me for one night and we played wii (he played, i struggled) and watched "drag me to hell" and generally refused to surrender to sleep until 5 a.m. or so.
i like how time looks like such a fool in the right company.

Some people believe that Louisiana is full of ghosts. I can't say for sure, but I certainly wouldn't outright disagree.
It's my guess a lot of these old souls just don't know where else to go once their clock's up. Personally speaking, out in these deep, deep woods and bayous, the rest of the world quickly gets to feeling like it's a million miles away.

There's a language here, a song, a supper... that just doesn't exist anywhere else. Besides which, there are so many things you have to learn-- like who's got the deed to the old Wilke's place, and who's having an affair with the sheriff's married son, and why that young family from Shreveport never steps foot outside before dusk. Maybe these aren't broadly appreciated facts; maybe not pieces of conversation exchanged at the royal wedding or what-have-you. But, locally, these scraps of information are stock knowledge...and it's a lot to keep in one head. Hell, it can become a challenge remembering certain other counties exist (ok, parishes), let alone countries. So, sure, I suppose a dying body might not know what other directions to offer its departing soul after a lifetime of étouffée and crawdads, fais do-do this and chootem dat.

Or, maybe we're all just spinning tales out here because we're imaginative and a little bored.

Alas, ma chère, it is what it is and it is where I am. Back in the homeland for a moment. Things move slowly and people like to talk a lot about not too much. Why, just this Monday, one old-timer sat beside me and pontificated on a riverside veranda whilst sipping a long-strawed bourbon and coke that perhaps folks move and talk in such a leisurely fashion down here due to the often suffocating heat index... and further suggested that would we move any faster or get to our points any sooner, stroke and heart attack victims would shortly be taxing the public welfare system.

What could I do? I'm slowing my roll. I'm not waking early and getting things done; but I'm not being unproductive. I'm enjoying my dreams, daydreams, and downtime. I'm sipping the coffee so slowly it's getting cold halfway down. Yesterday I had the best lake-swim with a very dear friend. The sun kindly took it's time and made a real show of its setting.

There are spotted dogs in a pin in the back. I leave the fan on over my bed. I can see my climbing tree through the window of my bedroom, but I can no longer see its top. I have a date with some wild horses and a friend with a convertible. The night air is vibrating with crickets and their rowdy friends. My little cousins are fast asleep and I'm thankful they'll have one more little memory with me in it.

I love a lot of people here, and I wish I could be around them more...
But, my lord, Louisiana... I can only handle this pace for a little longer, and then I gotta stretch my legs again!
Ya'll don't want my ghost hanging around, playing tricks on you anyway, do you now?

back in the usa

it was surprising how instantaneously my cultural tiptoeing fell easily into the old heavy gait, albeit in slightly fancier shoes this time.

i'm living now on the kind shoulders of my friends in atlanta. couches, nooks, futons. i'm catching up with everyone's business over their coffee. i'm laughing a lot and catching some great music. it's fun.

my korean adventure has caused me to understand something important about myself. i don't want the routine i always felt i was supposed to have. i think i shouldn't worry about timepieces, but follow my internal clock. i am not materialistic so having a place with things to put in it is contradictory to my nature right now. and no matter how fun a job is, i have always despised going to one place day after day to work. i need variety, in people and scenery.

so now i'm basking in the daily changes and working on a plan to keep my travelling boots on as long as i can.

another thing i learned in my adventure is that i love all people, but i'm particularly fortunate in having found so many special, kind, and outstanding friends... people who remain their true selves despite the odds. it's so freaking cool to be in the company of one honest friend. how ever did i fall into such a great lot of them?

it's the final countdown..... finally

As Kevin put it, it's like I've said goodbye to everyone at the party and I'm waiting on my friend to drive me home.

Here it is, my final day in Korea, but I feel like I've wrung out all the heavy emotion and hugged everyone I needed to hug, exchanged addresses and shaken hands. I am not going to fuss over it any more. Instead, I plan to spend my final day in my friends' beautiful apartment in the city, taking advantage of the quiet, sunlit space to work more on my book.

It's intoxicating to have a life goal sitting gladly in your lap.

pictures of this place

"where there is a meeting, there is a bye-bye" ~ my student, Cang-min

Thursday was a rough one. Nearly 3 hours in the dentist's chair and I left the office feeling mutilated with a chopped-off bur of a tooth in my mouth still awaiting its cap. I won't expound on the series of sour mishaps that followed, but suffice it to say that Murphy's Law shone through. I had to take a cry-break between classes and by the end of the day lying under the covers felt like winning the lottery. Friday morning, I was to meet my boss, Mi-eun, for lunch at 11:00, but woke up late and needed the hot water too badly to skip showering. Dripping but finally able to open my eyes, I looked at my watch and it was 10:58. I miraculously got myself dressed, tucked my damp mop under a cap, slid into my coat and out the door in only five minutes. As I stepped through the front gate I heard two short honks; Mi-eun was waiting in her car. I fumbled my way into the passenger seat, not really attempting to mask my drained condition. Mi-eun wiped a smudge from my glasses, fixed my coat collar, and asked if I wanted to go for a drive. I beamed at the idea; I wasn't hungry yet, anyway.

The coat was only necessary because of the cold wind. Once inside the car, the sun did a brilliant job of warming and brightening things. Jason Mraz crooned along as Mi-eun and I chatted about work and relationships and how much we'll miss each other. She drove me into the mountains. We giggled at the challenge of parking. We walked arm in arm up a quick mountain pass to a buddhist temple. We shot some quick pictures in front of the shrines, then meandered back down the mountain to find a Vietnamese restaurant downtown. She called work and let them know she might be a few minutes late. She was beside herself with guilty pleasure then; she's never done anything like that! (Mind you, we were all of 10 minutes late for work) It was adorable.

After our lunch we quickly found a fortune teller, as is our tradition. The woman in the tent we chose this time had curly hair piled high on her head, spilling over the left side of her face. She was pleasantly plump and had signs of water retention in her hands. Her lips and fingernails were painted red. She spread out the stack of cards and told me to pick 7. I did so carefully, and she turned them over to reveal romantically styled images of robed ladies, caped men, white horses, elegant trees and flowers budding from vines. She smiled often as she spoke, exposing charmingly crooked teeth, and Mi-eun translated. She didn't tell me anything I didn't know, but said a lot of nice things.
Mi-eun received her fortune with lots of dissatisfied sounds (she didn't translate her own as we went, so I was left guessing), but afterward told me it wasn't bad news- only that she's tired of waiting for Mr.Right. Poor Mi-eun.

One coffee-to-go later, we were at school almost on time and I got right to work training my replacement and sorting though my shelf for what I should keep, what should stay. My last day with the kids was a whirlwind of hugs, pictures, and games, with a respectable amount of time still devoted to lessons. A lot of the students slipped me thoughtful letters thanking me and saying goodbye. Mi-eun and the oldest students surprised me with a pizza party and a cake on my 30-minute break. When the day was over, I felt elated. Kevin and Joshua and I grabbed a couple of celebratory drinks at The Sound of Music at its new location, which is gorgeous (maybe I'll get some pictures in here later).

The next day, I was finally able to sleep in. I met again with my dentist at 3pm for the fitting (I get my cap Wednesday!) and he surprised me with opera tickets! Rigolletto! I immediately dropped my secret grudge over the bad Thursday.
When night came, we enjoyed a homemade spread at my coworker, Su-mi's, family's home. A-mi-li went with us, too- another coworker. We like to call her Rockstar because she usually looks like one (I was sad to hear she's trying to 'tone it down' in order to snag a man easier... it's dog-eat-dog in the dating game here.) I got to meet Su-mi's fiance, who made the most of his limited English throughout the night by playing announcer: He would only say one word at a time, but he'd say it like an arcade game might. "Alright!" "Great job!" "Nice-Uh!" He was silly. Su-mi explained how they met, two years ago-- she was his customer at a bookstore, and ordered some books which were out of stock so she left her number on the order form, and he used it to text-ask her for a date. Cute, huh? I also got to meet Su-mi's dad, who collects rocks and stamps and whose mother is a well-known calligraphy artist, and Su-mi's 18 year old brother who was very cute and shy and whose nickname at school is 'Sloth' because he is always snoozing. Su-mi's mother and sister we had met previously. Omma made us feel like family with a bountiful feast and kind, honest conversation. The sister joined us a little late, and we found out she is scheduled for a surgery on her jaw very soon, and everyone is a little worried. I'll be thinking of her on the 30th (My own sis's birthday).
All in all, it was one of the nicest dinners I've had this past year.

And today, Sunday, Kevin and I went to our first ever opera. Here's a link to one of the more famous songs from the opera: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8A3zetSuYRg
It was an unforgettable experience. Plus, I got to wear heels.

Weeeeeeee!

*with 3 pages left*

it's getting very close to the end of the chapter. i am antsy at these points, constantly wishing either to pause or fast-forward.

though the weather took a turn for the better today, my students all acted shocked to see me in short sleeves. it's so funny to me how they are avidly interested in my appearance. they'll shout out these abrupt announcements whenever they notice i am wearing a new shirt or have on two necklaces instead of one- and they're directed at me, not about me- like if i walked in with my fly down; they're informative and urgent statements. so, today, i entered 5 classrooms to be greeted by kids racing to tell me that i'm wearing short sleeves:
"teacher!! no arm!"
"teacher! cut shirt!"
"teacher!!! i see teacher elbow!"
"teacher! not cold?"
yeah: one kid remembered elbow. i was impressed.

i'm going to miss my time with them. what a great group of kids i have here! well-mannered, bright, studious... and best of all, they all seem to possess a terrific sense of humor.

in interest of preserving the memory, i will take note here of some favorites (i won't be insulted if you skip ahead a bit here):

philip- small, young, darker skin, big eyes, big dimples. he celebrates his name every day. 'teacher, what is my name?'- not because he forgot, just because he likes me to say it. other times he asks me to spell it, or says 'teacher, i am wendy student, so you are...' so i play along with, 'philip teacher' and he giggles like a crazy-man. this kid is a prime example of bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed. i can't ever be upset with him for not paying attention or forgetting his homework. he just melts me.

sam- a newer student, but one i'll remember. she wears a gold-colored coat. on her second day at the academy, she saw me chatting with another teacher outside of our lunchroom, and waited patiently for my attention. i had taught her for just one day at that point, and with all the new students i didn't especially recognize her. however, when i noticed her watching me, i stepped over and cheerily said 'hello', and she said 'hello, teacher', and i said 'how are you?' (which i always ask- all the time- and they 99.9% of the time reply with 'so-so' or 'fine, and you?', as they've been taught) but sam was not fine-and-you or even so-so, and she told me so. she was sad. why, i asked? and she struggled linguistically to explain her favorite grandpa had passed away. i wanted to hug her, but wasn't sure if it would have been ok or not- so i went to the lunch room and snatched an orange, brilliantly colored and fat with juice, from a box of oranges for the teachers. i quietly put it in her hand as i passed her a moment later in the stairway. she seemed to take it like the hug i wanted to give- and she turned out to be one of the most positive, eager learners i've encountered. she was a joy to teach.

sangwoo- an older student i had the privilege to teach for almost the whole year. smart? yes. attentive? usually, yes, absolutely. but best of all, he's open. he isn't trying to be cool or putting up barriers. he makes me laugh a lot, he puts his best effort into his work, and he loves to overreact and get loud. there's just not enough noise here, so i appreciate this about him. he enjoys playing the highly offended role, and scream in indignation through a restrained smile that's burning holes in his cheeks. totally entertaining. i just find myself hoping for him. i hope he gets everything he wants in life.

tim-tom-tim - i thought he was my problem child. he turned out to be a really cool kid, and to show more respect than the 'good kids' from time to time. he would have a slingshot in his back pocket and a frog in the front if he were a cartoon.

betty- one endearing and hyper kid. she can't listen, though she wants to. she is so friendly and so in love with attention; like some puppies i've known. you know how the lickers find someone who doesn't push them away so they get extra excited and lick and hop and wag until their zeal knocks their balance off and they fall over. that. and she just laughs at herself and brushes the hair out of her face, gets up, and goes back to it.

collectively; the girls- cecilia, angela, amy, amber, ann (tasha used to be a part of it, too) these are my tues/thurs. toefl students, and they have shown me such warmth and sweetness! they are a great group, and i have loved my time teaching them the most because they show real interest in me as a person, they listen, and answer, and act genuinely, and remain angels. they could have been making this pretty hard on me, but they chose not to... for that, and the snacks they've shared (yeah, this is the ice-cream getting group), and for all the laughs they've given me, i am eternally grateful.

i love how the lower level kids will get so excited as they learn- when things click, it's palpable.
i love how the mid-level kids are brave and look so proud of themselves when they succeed in each little task.
i love how the advanced kids realize they are teaching me, too, and are not put off by it.


tomorrow, there will be a 'ball' for the academy at the ramada inn.
we will listen to a lecture for an hour (in korean) and then we will all feast and mingle. everyone's asking me what i'll wear. i may have to buy a pair of heels to fit in (they're a great souvenir, anyway, since they are the most common ladies' footwear, no matter the location or occasion)

which brings me to a point- korea has made me more aesthetically feminine than i've ever been. just yesterday i wore both a headband AND a flower-barrette in my hair at the same time. i'm still not getting manicures or fake lashes. but there's a new appreciation for accessories and floral prints, i can't deny.

more importantly, there have been some great internal changes: a firmer understanding of how i best operate in the world, less feeling in some old battle scars. good changes.

other details i don't want to forget:

i had two rum-n-cokes with mr.song yesterday. he's still working on opening his new place- i hope for a tour if i will miss the grand opening. it will be gwangju's first in-house brewery, and i am sure it will be beautiful to see... all that copper in the middle of all his woodwork. i played a few songs for him last night, feeling embarrassed i haven't played more lately. we discussed nazi germany and he helped me understand how a short weirdo like hitler had been able to dupe so many people. on the way home, i purchased a double-battered corndog from a street vendor. the vending carts are nighttime eye-candy. steam rolls off them here and there. the various snacks are usually arranged in square compartments. lots of things on sticks: hot dogs, corndogs, fish, shrimp, tofu, chicken, steak, veggies.... all poked through with a stick and arranged in a box. and ddokk-bekki (i probably misspelled this)-- little cylindrical pieces of dough floating in ponds of sticky thick red sauce. every day's a carnival in korea!


places i frequent:
kimbap naras (cheap/quick korean food places frequented by kids between school and academy) boy-on-bike-gets-hit-by-car, the CBC, the place with the chinese girl, the place across from the chinese girl, kevin's place, and the place where the guy loves me. (that last one is my favorite, and always means we're getting free snacks in addition to our order)

grocery stores: the one on the corner (previously the place with eggplant), the other place (previously, the grocery store), family mart and home plus.

coffee stops: cafe province (that lady, i-min-gin, french decor, solid tables, blt/spaghetti on the menu, piano, guitar, a wine collection), serendip (skylight, sweet woman, kevin's discount, swings and lattice), florida (great americano, the artsy girl who always remembers my order and gives me treats), brown's cabin (beautiful), stephanie (tree-houses)

foreigner spots: the speakeasy, the german bar, the lemon tree, the alleyway, tequilaz, first napal, bottle.

the post office (people are always helpful), the underground mall (passing though is hard when you could be shopping), the book store, u-square, the movies (love the old one), arcades, the wii cafe by chosan, the dentist (haha), shinae = downtown... just travelin' the streets, usually.

things here i didn't take enough advantage of: the mountains, buddhist temples, art galleries, art supply shops, mokpo, the bus station, the traditional markets, the g.i.c., the stream downtown, jimjilbangs, photo ops.

well, a couple of weeks left. i'll see if i can remedy any of that last bit.

still going!

who ever heard of a two month long root canal?

i must have some nerve.

today it's making me want to cry. not because it hurts (it's only a little tender now) but because i'm bloody over waking up early 2-3 times a week and visiting the dentist. what kind of sick and twisted torture is this?

i'm a dancing cowgirl at a boa convention.

5 Reasons I'm Excited:

1. I bought a DSLR. Nikon. D-90. Her name is Suzette.

2. I stumbled upon a group of people who want to put on a play. What play? Picasso at the Lapin Agile. (and, no, that's not why her name is suzette. that's a coincidence. besides, i'm playing germaine.)

3. Tomorrow I will visit Doaa!

4. The next day I will attend a speech on Louisiana, given by my buddy Seth. Go Seth! And Geaux Louisiana!

5. Afterwards, I shall attend a buffet given by my friends at Tequilaz... Mexican for Me!

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Mokpo!

mokpo is a happy place. it rubbed off on me.